you've made your way to
~ T H E . D E E P S C O G R A P H Y ~
I have yet to:
- write descriptions for all of these things
- include download for Songs' End (the one thing here that's already in its likely final form)
- rerecord or otherwise simply properly package and then rerelease every damn thing on the list (and then some)
(things which are just to be repackaged and not remade: dead universe and waste)
- oh probably write a short intro to the page itself
~ 2019 - 2023 ~
Gemstone Heart
September - December 2023
1. Theme Of Kokoro
2. Theme Of Kokoro (Claire vers.)
3. Carry Down Dark River
4. Of And For Love And Sorrow
5. The Honest Heart
6. Once There Were Words
waste
8th September 2023
1. waste
Songs' End
8th September 2023
1. I'm Tired Of Trying To Fill The Void
2. Exploiting Myself For Content For 10 Years
3. Aimless Colourwash
4. Used Jingle
5. Autobiography And The Day-By-Day
6. Procession
7. (june 2018)
8. The Act Of Cancelling Albums Every Year For 10 Years / It Has To Be That And This
9. Oroboros Tail
10. Same File Select
11. Songs' End
12. Tomorrow Is Friday
Scloud III: 2017-2019
27th September 2020
1. Out Of Tune
2. Separate (song from a dream. recorded at about 5:30am)
3. snake in the grass (title subject to change, idk)
4. a place where
5. chrono trigger emotional thing
6. Smallest Beautiful Facts
7. Who Are You To You (liflab section 2)
8. Soak The Feelings Into Your Heart Yeah (middle section vocals)
9. Unused (Sonic 2 Master System cover)
10. ringclone
11. dis
12. Horizontal Experiments Dump
13. big something
14. 20 Years After The Funeral (original backing track)
15. Wishgirl
16. Sneak Chic
17. Interruption
18. Waiting In The Dust
19. Hating Myself At The Border Between Worlds
20. sleeping shore
21. Melted Missive
22. Eriksmetic (Contained Melody Practice 1)
23. Starpost (Contained Melody Practice 2)
24. Eriksmetic 2 (Contained Melody Practice 3)
25. Marrowmarsh (Contained Melody Practice 4)
26. Hamauzu Practice
27. guy2.wma
28. multi-mile
29. Sight O' Plasm 1
30. Eriksmetic 3 (Contained Melody Practice 5)
31. Å (Contained Melody Practice 6)
32. Yeah So I Sorta Keep Thinking About Wearing Skirts (Contained Melody Practice 7)
33. Solid Block Nothing as a piece for synth and orchestra
34. christmas card (v v sweary btw)
bonus track 1. Soak The Feelings Into Your Heart Yeah acoustic for twitter
bonus track 2. guy.wma
back
29th December 2019
1. back
2. mint and cold
3. touch
~ 2014 - 2018 ~
Wings Means Monsters (10th Anniversary)
19th November 2018
1. Wings Means Monsters
2. Wings Means Freedom
claire siegely
15th June 2018
1. a pretentious overture
2. church
3. therapy
4. dildos
5. rip-off
6. reference
7. even then
8. charlie the man
9. _
if i live
6th June 2018
1. if i live
kokoro
16th March 2018
1. kokoro
2. crystal girl
3. this isn't the song
alecto did not kill at christmas after all
28th December 2017
1. Piss Smell In The Kitchen
2. Hand
3. New House
4. Dance Icarus (Alecto version)
5. Echo Trying
dead universe
14th December 2017
1. solar wind
2. thought
3. history
4. breadth, become
imitation
15th November 2017
1. imitation
2. downwhere
3. half
Scloud II: 2016
31st July 2017
1. Chase
2. Hidden Palace Zone (unfinished)
3. Ecruteak (scrapped single)
4. Ecruteak (piano version)
5. weirdo in a winter coat
6. follow me home
7. Standby (WIP)
8. Espers
9. spyro (working title, WIP)
10. Sonic 3 Title screen in the style of Awake And Nervous by IQ
11. Better Mouth demo
12. dre-ang
13. Not Tonight
14. lies (25 chorus chords)
15. Wanna Hug
16. when things were precious (piano bit)
17. jealousy
18. you will hear them
19. Alien Middle Fame
20. mum's husband did another transphobic joke
21. january 2015 and it goes on, and on, and on...
22. got a lot of things to do
23. Desert Flank
24. bright squares 2
25. various vocalisings
26. Do Something
27. I Can See Me When I Can't See You (unpleasant full version)
bonus track 1. I Can See Me When I Can't See You (lead vocals only)
bonus track 2. dreams of angels (unfinished Reason version)
bonus track 3. cave (angelgame)
bonus track 4. event (angelgame)
bonus track 5. opening (sketch, angelgame)
bonus track 6. I Can See Me When I Can't See You (long outro)
Scloud I: 2012-2015
30th June 2017
1. Not Experimental
2. Submerged
3. Zero-G Island
4. Intro 1
5. dysphoriasongbit
6. Breath (Melody Practice 1)
7. Rad Karma (extended)
8. That Road To Viridian City
9. Feet
10. Collect Yourself
11. Derision
12. transition
13. This Road
14. Ghosts Of Atlantis
15. implodings
16. With You, Without Him
17. the good house
18. notbabylon (working title) (extended)
19. thatnight
20. Cyber Forecast
21. I Know You're Gonna Leave Me
22. Stasis 2014
23. unedited what my voice
24. stars (working title)
25. cool bit i just made (unnamed song)
26. clumsy alchemy (maybe, working title)
27. 11 (obviously working title)
28. Timesink
bonus track 1. Stars In The Heart WIP
bonus track 2. improper lodgings (maybe unfinished instrumental)
resistance
17th May 2017
1. resistance
2. call from within mono hellscape
3. pictures aren't
Ice-Tech Princess
30th April 2017
1. Ice-Tech Kingdom
2. Robot Angel
3. Standby
4. Nice i' Cool
5. Witches' Wishes
6. Soak The Feelings Into Your Heart Yeah
7. Softness,
8. If We Can Go There
Oracle Of Feathers (unfinished tribute)
24th March 2017
1. oracle
2. bloop rinse
3. a simple cave, nothing more pure than that
4. tree
5. evil
6. skyletons (unfinished)
7. sad things
8. evil (tower)
bonus track 1. theme
bonus track 2. ccrstwn
bonus track 3. renebox
bonus track 4. a tense place
<3
27th January 2017
1. <3
2. after effortdome
3. what do you want
The Whole City Turned Invisible I Think!
1st January 2017
1. Really? The Whole Thing?
2. Phone Through Time
3. Roll Under
4. Licorice Wings
5. Big Seven
6. escape chute
The Moon On Earth
31st December 2016
1. We Should Do This Again
2. Talking
3. Wish I Could Share
4. Outing
Cityicediamond
12th November 2016
1. Really? The Whole Thing?
2. Roll Under
3. Witches' Wishes
4. Softness,
effortdome
19th October 2016
1. effortdome
2. cage matches
3. brilliant
Shame EP Leftovers
2nd August 2016
1. Strange And Complicated Bullshit
2. Conversation
3. For Wallflowers/To Wristbands
4. Crossing No Man's Land
bonus track 1. Attractiveness (backing)
bonus track 2. 9 riff
Lois The Compilation
22nd July 2016
1. Layer Offcut
2. 2015
3. Bad Songs
4. 5
5. Whenember
6. Waveshead Offcut
7. Symphony At The Feast
8. Weird Legs
9. Layer Labour Later
10. and i'm gonna have to pretend nothing happened
11. Spectre
12. piano mishearing
bonus track 1. Carriage
bonus track 2. Relaxing But Not Recharging
bonus track 3. By Your Hand
bonus track 4. Stranger 'Cos Fiction
"good memories", no air to breathe
5th July 2016
1. Summers
2. How To Save Yourself
3. Better Mouth
4. Pathetic Sad Song
emergency
17th June 2016
1. emergency
2. headache game
3. film
Last Night's Dream, Nothing, And A Thing I Learned From My Dad
18th April 2015
1. Hotel Hill Trip
2. Nothing Girl
3. Existential Grout
4. The Shithead
"maybe you shouldn't move your legs or throat"
31st July 2014
1. street
2. selling
3. suite of bronze baz
~ 2008 - 2013 ~
Keep Digging
6th July 2011
1. Keep Digging
I'd actually completely forgotten I ever uploaded this! I rediscovered that fact while verifying the dates of the other things in this section of the list. Completely and utterly forgot! Even now I don't have the memory of doing it. Seems like I wasn't especially fussed about it: before closing that YouTube channel, I copied all its videos' details into a Word document, and the description I gave to this song when I uploaded it is "Had this one for a while before recording it. Mostly just didn't feel like it. Only reason I did it now is because I need to make space on my keyboard's flash memory". So maybe that's why I don't remember? 'cos I wasn't especially bothered about it and didn't really care? I dunno.
Anyway, this is the last of the pre-transition, uploaded-to-YouTube-for-some-reason things.
Of note (to me at least) is the fact that, despite there being no metadata or any note that I can find (instantly at least) that hints to any connection between this song and the unfinished album I'm about to mention, the artwork I uploaded it with is the (I think work-in-progress) artwork for an unfinished album called Underneath The Mirror, which was I think the first of the post-Huge-Undertaking, big autobiography albums I tried to make. It's possible that Keep Digging was intended to be the opening track for this album, I don't know. Like I said, aside from the usage of this artwork for the YouTube upload, there's not really anything that indicates any connection. It's possible it may have just been some strange cryptic way of saying "look, I'm working on this other album, with this type of imagery". I do not know. Well. Anyway.
Bright
1st June 2011
1. Bright
This one's a bit of nothing. BUT, it IS something I recorded and posted to YouTube. So it's gotta be here.
I don't think I can give you the original version of this in any form, it being so completely centred around voice.
But I'll totally rerecord it for you at some point, dawg, no worries <3
The Huge Undertaking
(Prologue and Act I)
11th March and 11th April 2011 respectively
. . . . . 
PROLOGUE
1. WHY.
ACT I - OUTSIDE
1. Dark And Hate And Ordinary
2. Saying Nothing
3. Wings Means Monsters
4. (some shit cover i don't wanna embarrass the original artist by slightest association with)
5. Collide
6. This Outside
7. (this was also a really shit cover)
8. One Long Drive part 1
Now here's the real stuff.
(And I'm gonna warn you, this gets kinda personal a little bit.)
Starting in I think November 2010, I was sleeping in a shed at the end of the garden, having moved all of my instruments and recording equipment up there. This way I could work nonstop, at whatever hours I happened to be awake, and also finally have some fucking privacy, of both the visual and the sonic kinds. There were spiders in there. Later, in the Summer, a wasp or two may have bothered me. At one point there was a slug sliding its way along the wood ceiling and I had no idea how to deal with it. Some space for my thoughts. I recorded The Cherry Tree there, and, after that, with the space to feel but marginally less guilty and beholden to certain participants, I decided to write my autobiography.
The full project was supposed to be, with Prologue and Epilogue either side, four acts long: Outside, Less Outside, Inside, and Outside Again.
Outside was to be about school, college, and the totally external social world, interacting with others;
Less Outside was to be about home, my experiences of living with who I've had to live with;
Inside was to be about my internal thoughts and feelings, I think this one probably would have been the most steeped in metaphor and imagery of the lot;
and Outside Again was, I think, supposed to be about people's reactions to Inside, and the substance would have depended on what those were.
My old notes are really vague on this fourth act, I don't really 100% know what it was meant to be. Maybe I didn't really know at the time either.
Also, regarding the artwork: each act was to add one strip to the image, thus finishing with four strips. Each one of these, as implied by the Act I artwork, was to include a number of very specific personal references to the area of my life that the act was about, memories and metaphors and the like. As with the music, I never made more than just the Act I artwork, and, at this point, I don't get all of its references anymore (though I think I still get most).
Anyway the whole point of the project was both to express my honest feelings finally, without any joke or "now I have to play this character to make sure people like me" getting in the way, and to come out as trans. Oh and when I say that: I don't know if my 2011 self would agree with this but pretty much the only people in my life at the time were family members. I had a few online friends but no one I talked to a lot, and no one I was very connected with, and, crucially, I still very much cared about my family and wanted them to be part of my life. I still very much cared about the opinions of, and wanted to protect the feelings of, people who had (and have) never once extended the same courtesy to me.
So it was doomed from the start.
Unable to really fully express myself (not just for the sake of my family but also because it was the first time since childhood that I'd really tried to let myself do that, so, I wasn't wholly comfortable with it, and I didn't know myself anywhere near well enough to really know how) - or at least I think that might have been the reason - the project completely fell apart. It's honestly kind of a miracle I managed to get even one of the acts done, considering, because after that point, even though I was coming up with song ideas, I mostly wasn't able to finish them, and I hated most of them, and, in the end, I was making tracklists just full of covers. I can't remember the exact reason but eventually I just pulled the plug. By that point it was little more than a covers album, of songs that "more or less say what I want to say".
And even just speaking of Act I itself, there's really only three vocal songs on there, and one is just Wings Means Monsters again. That was a song I wrote about Final Fantasy 7 Crisis Core, but I tried to turn it into something really personal and meaningful. Not by adding anything or changing anything, you understand, but just by trying really hard to believe it. The other two are Saying Nothing and One Long Drive, both very short songs, basically an intro and an outro. The covers are really the only full size songs on the damn thing. This Outside is a poetry recital, and, uh... and uh, Collide is actually not even music at all, that's a comic. Very avant-garde approach to a tracklist, and I actually like that a lot, I dunno if I'd ever come up with something like that now. But it's not a good comic, it's some highly metaphorical, barely comprehensible garbage, imbued with so much meaning that you could probably talk about it on some podcast, after a short segment about plastic bags.
None, the, flipping, less.
I am, somehow, still quite sentimental about The Huge Undertaking, and the idea of expressing my feelings about my entire life so far in autobiographical concept album form. Maybe not a quadruple concept album, but still. This was my first attempt at doing something really big, something that really mattered, and even though it failed, I tried to take its spirit into a few other albums afterwards. Which also failed and never got finished. I'm even still kind of working on one now in the present day, on rare occasions when the mood strikes me, which I started in February of 2022 (though it didn't start as deliberately a Huge Undertaking descendent).
It's also fair to say that, while I didn't finish very much, this was a very prolific period for me for the writing of bits and pieces, little sections and motifs. From the outside, this whole thing must look like an absolute garbage fire, and I can't really say that that assessment would be wrong, but none of what I do today would exist without this failed quadruple concept album. I have this idea in my head, when looking at other people's work, that probably every good first album came after many many songs that weren't good enough. Whether or not that's true for everyone it's definitely true for some, and I think it might be more true for me than for most.
(i refuse to include it properly but i do not want to disrespect the fact that i made what could be termed a "covers EP" in January 2011: one song for i think every monday.
there were 5 tracks. the original recordings are bad and i'm not interested in redoing them.
nonetheless, yes, this page would feel incomplete to me if i made no mention of it. so there you go.)
The Cherry Tree
throughout December 2010
1. Cherry Boat
2. Walking Echoes
3. Dead Grace
4. Comfortable Soundtrack
5. Heartwarming Climax
6. Bricks Of A Pipe Dream
7. The Cherry Tree
Over all these years, I've made many one-off, "this doesn't count as my first album though!" albums, but, if you were to take a hard line approach and say every one of them counts as part of an "album sequence", then this one here, The Cherry Tree, would be the real first album. Clocking in at 30 minutes and 18 seconds, and with only three vocal tracks, and the only instruments on display being piano, voice, and one single guitar solo played acoustically on an electric guitar, it's probably a pretty weird album, but hey, I was an outsider artist. That's legit, and I'm actively choosing to wear it, and if you heard this material (which you might, eventually, though without the original vocals), you'd agree. I was a passable piano player and not a passable singer, and as a writer and composer I was trying very hard but did not really have a clue what I was doing. (I still kinda don't, I've just got a lot of experience now and have also actually put the time in to learn a handful of things.)
The distribution of this material was maybe kinda strange. I was not using Bandcamp at the time, though I think it did exist. Instead, I uploaded these to YouTube, each one uploaded probably the moment I finished it. I reckon I will have linked them on Twitter, but there were maybe two people following me at that time, so, basically no one heard this stuff. It's not great stuff to be honest, made even less good by bad production values and horrible, absolute beginner level vocals. Nonetheless, I made the damn thing, and it is an album.
Also this album cover is the closest you'll ever get to a pre-transition photo.
Laptop Demos
throughout 2010
1. Retro Title Theme
2. Icarus Wiser / The Sky
3. Tower Offence Game 1 Level
4. Tower Offence Game 1 Battle
5. Intensity
6. A Comedy Bit
7. Pretentious Fortnightly Intermission Intro (Unplugged Electric Guitar Version) (Second Take)
8. Pretentious Fortnightly Intermission Transition (Unplugged Electric Guitar Version)
9. Wings Means Monsters
I do not remember why I did this, but in 2010, armed with what was at the time a brand new laptop, I recorded some garbage, possibly straight into the laptop's mic, I don't remember. This included various short instrumental things I'd written, two pieces of music for a podcast that was never to be (The Pretentious Fortnightly Intermission, which was to be myself, as some character of some kind, expounding on the artistic virtues, meanings, and qualities of various things. I remember the only episode idea I had was "talk about plastic bags for a while"), my first song (Wings Means Monsters), and for some reason an instrumental version of a more recent song of mine (Icarus Wiser).
The whole lot lasts 11 minutes and 38 seconds.
While this collection was never released, the fact I exported mp3s of all of these tracks, numbered them, and gave them metadata, dictates to me that it should be counted in this list.
